How do you break the Shame Spiral without falling into toxic positivity or unhealthy distractions?

The shame spiral often starts in childhood, when neurodivergent kids struggle with tasks and get blamed instead of supported. As adults, this pattern continues. When a task becomes challenging, internalized voices say, 'I'm bad. I'm stupid. I'll never be successful.' To escape, they might turn to video games or binge-watching, but this only delays the task, leading to more shame and negative self-talk.

To break the spiral, instead of just using positive thoughts and affirmations, I recommend processing your emotions first.

1. Label the Feelings: Identify your feelings such as shame, guilt, and fear. Naming emotions reduces their power. This is like 'Fairy Rules'--once you learn its name, you take its power.

2. Accept Impermanence: Remember, all emotions are temporary. Let them wash over you. This is like the Bene Gesserit 'Litany against fear,' and it works for any emotion.

3. Ask for the Lesson: What is this emotion trying to tell you? This is similar to the Magical Question, 'What is the lesson here?'

4. Take Action: Act on the lesson. This is inspired by 'Inside Out,' Riley saved herself when she finally listened to her Depression

Using one of my clients as an example, his Fear was trying to tell him that if he didn’t complete the project on time, he would get fired and suffer financial ruin that could result in becoming homeless. Whenever he tried to push down his Fear, it kept coming back stronger, causing him to distract himself by binge-watching rather than doing his work.

Then he started processing his emotions. He acknowledged his Fear, validated it, and then reassured his fear by saying, 'Thank you for trying to protect me, but I've got this under control now. You can go rest.'

It worked! He not only saved his job, but he even got a promotion!

After doing the work of processing your emotions, now your positive thoughts are now well-grounded and can take root. This approach has helped many of my clients break the Shame Spiral and achieve success.

What lessons might your emotions be offering you right now?

ADDITIONAL:

This is my friends' border collie, named Chase. She was wearing the "cone of shame" because she recently had surgery. Even while wearing the cone, she very impressively herded the goats while my friends worked to fix the fence, and she even figured how to use the cone to help her trap moles and kill them!

I've posted this "How to Break the Shame Spiral" post before, but it's an important post so I like to repost now and then. I thought this photo of Chase was perfect for this reposting.