#SeHow do you engage in self-care without feeling too selfish?

First of all, if you’re a compassion-driven person it’s OK to feel a little bit selfish because I can just about guarantee that you’re not a selfish person.

If you have been socialized to always put other people first, and you’re a naturally compassionate person so that giving feels good, it can be difficult to differentiate between doing something because you want to or because it’s expected of you. The general advice is don’t do it if it feels degrading. But when giving feels good, how do you tell?

By being willing to feel a little bit selfish, that’s how. Give only when you really want to, and if you’re a naturally compassionate person then that will be very often.

I was socialized to give until it hurts, and then give some more. Later, I was told to engage in self-care because “you need to put on your own oxygen mask first” and “you cannot pour from an empty cup”, and because I have so many friends who are first-responders I need to add that “you’re there to save lives, don’t make your buddies rescue you, too.”

One day a friend who knows me perhaps a little too well said, “Sometimes your self-care needs to be selfish. You do everything for other people, your self-care can’t be for other people, too. Sometimes you need to do self-care purely for yourself.”

I was like, “Oh snap! You’re right!”

As soon as I was willing to feel a little bit selfish, it became clear which compassionate acts were because I wanted to and which were because other people expected me to.

I should point out that the only people who actually thought I was being selfish were manipulators, and I know how to take care of them with Healthy Boundaries. However, to define my Boundaries I had to be willing to feel a little bit selfish.

How do you feel not TOO selfish? Trust yourself that you won’t suddenly change your personality. If your favorite version of yourself is compassionate, then that’s who you will be.

I have room for one more pro-bono client to help me test drive my new coaching program before I start charging money. Schedule a free Consultation Phone Call.

~Amy.