I’m not exactly anti-positivity, but simple positivity without action is short-lived.

A client of mine was staring down a major work deadline and his neurodivergency was getting in his way. Missing the deadline would cost him his job; meeting it could earn him a promotion. The stakes were high, and his fear was relentless. He tried to push it down with positivity, but the harder he fought, the louder it got.

I invited him to take a different approach. “What is your fear trying to tell you?”

He paused, then admitted, “It’s warning me I could fail—and if I fail, I’ll lose my job, my home, and my pride.”

“That’s valid,” I said. “So, what does your fear want you to do to satisfy it?”

His answer surprised him: “It wants me to settle down and focus on my work.”

With that, he gave his fear a name—a playful trick that made it less intimidating. Each time Fear showed up, he thanked it for the warning and reassured it: “I’ve got this under control. You can relax now.”

It worked. Freed from the panic, he leaned into his project, made the deadline, kept his job, and earned the promotion. By listening to his fear instead of denying it, he grounded his positivity in action and assurance. His once-fleeting optimism took root and flourished.

Too often, we think leadership means suppressing difficult emotions, but effective leadership comes from understanding and harnessing them. When we validate our feelings—no matter how unpleasant—they stop controlling us and start guiding us.

Action Steps

1. Recognize your emotion. Label it, and maybe even give it a playful name.

2. Accept. Emotions are impermanent. Let it wash over you.

3. Investigate. Ask, “What is it telling me? What does it need me to do so it can let go?”

4. Take Action. Do the thing it needs you to do. Remind yourself that you’ve got this.

As leaders, there are times to set emotions aside—but we must process them later, or they’ll keep resurfacing and overwhelm us. Processing emotions is what grounds the roots of lasting positivity. Without it, positivity is like a cut flower and will eventually wither. To make positivity last, you need to grow its roots.