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In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu says, “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened. He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.” I began to understand this while rehabbing my neck injury three years ago.

I ruptured three disks in my neck, an older injury that came back to haunt me right after my husband and I closed our restaurant. I had already decided I wanted to become a life coach, encouraged by many of our guests who worked in the mental health field. Before the injury, I had planned to join a coach training program immediately upon closing the restaurant. Complicating things, in the next few months I was supposed to take my black belt test in Okinawan Kenpo karate.

I went through a lot of Radical Acceptance. I delayed entry into a coach training program because controlling the pain took all my mental energy. Training for my black belt test, however, was exactly what I needed. Everyone on my medical team agreed training for my test was the best way to rehabilitate my injury. Through this process, I learned to accept myself, which is a huge step toward mastery.

As a child with unrecognized ADHD, I learned to ignore my needs to prove I cared. Healing my neck injury while training for my test meant paying attention to my needs. I had to take the test with the body I had, not the body I wanted. I had to listen to my body and stop pushing through the discomfort.

One day, after months of healing, I was at my desk working on my paper on the History of Okinawan Martial Arts for my black belt test. Sitting too long caused pain to set in, which led to writers’ block. In the past, I would have sat there, trying to push through the pain to break the block. But this time, I went to my garage dojo and worked out. The pain eased, and with it, the writers’ block lifted. I returned to my desk and continued writing. I repeated this cycle several times.

I thought, “If this is a glimpse of the life I’m creating as a life coach, going back and forth between working and working out, then I’m creating a nice life!”

This was the payoff to making peace with myself, to know myself as in the quote from Lao Tzu—honoring my needs instead of fighting against them.

Self-mastery isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about learning to work with yourself, not against yourself.

Self-mastery starts with self-acceptance. What’s one small way you can honor your needs today?

Post 2 of 6. If you’re just joining this series, you can start from the beginning here.