Yesterday, I shared my black belt journey. Today, I’ll share about my Shodan (1st degree) test.

Just before I opened the dojo door, I saw through the glass that there were TWELVE JUDGES for my test! We were expecting 6 to 8 judges.

I told myself, “None of these judges actually want to see me fail, they all want to see me succeed. For the next three hours, I own this dojo. I own them. They’re here for me.” And with that I walked through the door.

The test was one of the most nerve-wracking yet fun experiences of my life. It consisted of kata and bunkai (applications), both empty-handed and with weapons; self-defense which was my absolutely favorite part; an oral exam; sparring; and a monkey-line which included a little bit of warrior's initiation to welcome me into the black belt ranks.

The moment in which I had to dig the deepest was at the end of the sparring. I had sparred every able-bodied judge multiple times until I was spent."

My Sensei announced that everyone was done. As I removed my gloves, I felt glad that I had survived it.

Then someone said, “No, not you. You’re not done.”

I ignored them, hoping it wasn’t true.

Someone else said, “Amy, you still have to fight your Sensei.”

I looked over at him. He was putting on his boxing gloves and hitting them together. His mouth guard was in, and his nostrils were flaring with excitement.

My heart sank. I cannot tell you how badly I did NOT want to fight my Sensei. But I had come too far to quit now. I got back out there to face my Sensei.

He knocked me to the ground. I tried to get up, but my abs were spent and would not let me get up. I had hoped my Sensei would come down to the floor and grapple with me, but instead I was told to get up. I don’t know how I willed my abs to work so I could stand up, but I did. And then he knocked me down again. And I stood up again. After that, everything is a blur.

One of the questions on my oral exam was, “Given everything you’ve been through to get here, and you’ve had the goal of earning your black belt for so long, if you pass this test today—and there’s no guarantee that you’re going to pass—but if you pass today, is this the beginning of your journey? Or the end?”

I gave the correct answer, which was “The beginning.” But with everything I had been through I can’t honestly say that my test was the beginning of my martial art journey. However, what he really wanted to know was, was I going to quit like so many Shodans do.

No, I was not going to quit. So in that respect my Shodan test was closer to the beginning than it was to end.

Two years later, I just earned my 2nd degree black belt last month. And I’m already working toward my 3rd degree.