Today is the third anniversary of my neck injury which happened right after my husband and I closed the doors on our beloved restaurant, and months before I tested for my black belt (1st degree, Shodan) in Okinawan Kenpo. Rehabbing the neck injury while training for my test was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, and also one of my greatest joys. The thing that made it possible is that everyone on my medical team agreed that my best rehab training for my test. My previous three posts were about my journey, today’s post is about my triumphant test. After years of training and months of healing, I was finally ready to take my Shodan test.

It feels like quite a deflection on the anniversary of one of the most hideously painful things that that has ever happened to me to say, "I'm going to talk about my Shodan test!" And perhaps it is. But here we go:

Just before I opened the dojo door, I saw through the glass that there were TWELVE JUDGES for my test! We were expecting 6 to 8 judges.

I told myself, “None of these judges actually want to see me fail, they all want to see me succeed. For the next three hours, I own this dojo. I own them. They’re here for me.” And with that I walked through the door.

The test was one of the most nerve-wracking yet fun experiences of my life. It consisted of kata and bunkai (applications), both empty-handed and with weapons; self-defense which was my absolutely favorite part; an oral exam; sparring; and a monkey-line which included a little bit of warrior's initiation to welcome me into the black belt ranks.

The moment in which I had to dig the deepest was at the end of the sparring. I had sparred every able-bodied judge multiple times until I was spent."

My Sensei announced that everyone was done. As I removed my gloves, I felt glad that I had survived it.

Then someone said, “No, not you. You’re not done.”

I ignored them, hoping it wasn’t true.

Someone else said, “Amy, you still have to fight your Sensei.”

I looked over at him. He was putting on his boxing gloves and hitting them together. His mouth guard was in, and his nostrils were flaring with excitement.

My heart sank. I cannot tell you how badly I did NOT want to fight my Sensei. But I had come too far to quit now. I got back out there to face my Sensei.

He knocked me to the ground. I tried to get up, but my abs were spent and would not let me get up. I had hoped my Sensei would come down to the floor and grapple with me, but instead I was told to get up. I don’t know how I willed my abs to work so I could stand up, but I did. And then he knocked me down again. And I stood up again. After that, everything is a blur.

That moment encapsulated my healing journey, getting knocked down, getting back up, ultimately succeeding, and somehow having fun doing it.

My neck injury and Shodan test are inextricably linked: the trauma and the triumph. Together, they taught me resilience, strength, and how to find joy in the hardest challenges.

Post 4 of 6. If you're just now joining my journey, you may start at the beginning here.